Listen to Alyssa Milano

Dear Christian Sisters and Brothers,

On Sunday, Alyssa Milano told her abortion story on her podcast. Some news outlets reported on it, including the LA Times, Us Weekly, and FOX.

Rather than getting mad at her for justifying what she did (for I, too, had an abortion), let’s read what Alyssa actually said (which I transcribed from her podcost):

I was on the pill, taking birth control, because I knew that I was not ready to be a parent… Also, at that time, I was taking a drug called Accutane. Accutane is an acne medicine that is so likely to cause birth defects if taken by a pregnant woman that the FDA now requires doctors, pharmacists, and women to sign up to a registry before dispensing it. So using contraception was doubly important to me.

And I still got pregnant.

It was devastating. I was raised Catholic and was suddenly put in conflict with my faith, faith I was coming to realize empowered only men to make every single decision about what was allowed and what was not allowed…

I chose to have an abortion I chose. It was my choice. And it was absolutely the right choice for me. It was not an easy choice. It was not something I wanted, but it was something that I needed, like most health care is.

I refuse to let anyone else’s bullshit morality force me into a life of premarital celibacy. I refuse to live in the narrative that sexual pleasure is for men and that women exist to deliver that pleasure. My body gives me pleasure. Sexually connecting with my partner gave me pleasure. No one would say that he was at fault for enjoying sex with me, but you can be damn sure that the men enacting these laws think less of me for deriving the same pleasure from him…

They tell you that the pill is 99% effective at preventing pregnancies and yet [here, she let’s out a big sigh] a few months later, I found out that I was pregnant again. So, I had done what I knew to do to prevent pregnancy and was still pregnant. So once again, I made the right decision to end that pregnancy…

The assault against women’s bodies has forced me to reflect on what I would’ve lost if I never had my abortions. I would not have my children… I would not have my career… I would never have met my amazing husband David… I would never have been free to be myself… That’s what this freedom is about: freedom. Freedom from oppression. Freedom for women to have the audacity to be equally sexual beings as men. freedom for women to live the life they were meant to have not just the life that is thrust upon them by a pregnancy that cannot exist in their life.

Listening to Alyssa tell her story is heartbreaking for me because…

  • I hear the pain in her voice.
  • I hear her regret for being pregnant and her regret of being faced with a choice.
  • I hear her anger toward patriarchy and inequality and hypocrisy.
  • I hear her heartbreak that she was twice in the 1% of birth control failure when she expected to be in the 99%.
  • I hear the anger for Christianity, which she sees as favoring men.

It’s heartbreaking to hear because I once thought like she does.

Regret about Pregnancy

I remember that I was more upset about being pregnant and having to choose than I was about the abortion itself. I blamed everyone else for my pregnancy rather than taking responsibility for choosing to have sex, which exists for procreation (whether you believe in creationism or evolution).

So, I was mad that sex did what it was supposed to do—make babies.

Do you hear that from Alyssa, too? What does that tell you about our sex education programs?

Inequality & Hypocrisy

When I hear Alyssa’s anger at inequality and hypocrisy, I want to cheer her on! Why? Because men are historically seen as studs when they get women pregnant, but women pregnant out-of-wedlock have been seen as whores. That hypocrisy makes me mad.

The reality is that men can have sex with multiple women with little consequence compared to the consequences for women. Women are at much higher risk for STIs/STDs because they are on the receiving end.

Women are the ones who get pregnant while men can walk away—and many men do, and many men have. Then the woman has to find him and fight for financial support.

If he’s not a nice guy, then she has to hide to protect herself and her child.

If she’s not interested in him any more, then she doesn’t want a child to keep her forever connected to him.

For the pro-choice movement, abortion is an equality issue. Alyssa says it in her podcast. The guests she quoted in her podcast say it. Can you see why?

Men have hurt women. Men have a reputation for hurting women, not protecting them.

So, when Alyssa and others in the pro-choice movement see male legislators writing anti-abortion laws, she does not see them as protecting her but as hurting her in yet another way.

What’s the answer?

One answer is for men to improve their reputation.

Oh, how I would like to hear a male, pro-life politician apologize for all the men who have not stood up to their responsibilities and to call for men to do better.

Men who are good men need to be mentoring other men—of every age. They need to be good dads to their sons and daughters. They need to teach their sons and especially their daughters what to look for in a spouse and what to watch out for when dating.

Women who are married to good men need to be heralding their husbands to their children and their friends publicly so that society hears that there are good men out there.

I’ll start! Russ is an awesome provider who would never run away from his children. Actually, Russ would have chosen to stop after our first was born because he felt too old to have our second one, but he never considered aborting. Today, our second boy is a chip off the old block. They truly enjoy their relationship.

(Follow Love Harder Marriage Coaching for more positive stories about husbands and fathers.)

Equality or Bondage?

The irony is that Alyssa and my former self see premarital sex and abortion as an equality issue, but I now see premarital sex and abortion as a bondage issue.

Roe v Wade was decided by men. What does legalized abortion allow? It allows men to have more extra-marital sex without consequences of providing for their children.

  • The baby daddy is the number one influence on a woman’s choice to abort.
  • Fathers, even Christian fathers, bring their daughters to abortion clinics.
  • Abusers bring women to abortion clinics.
  • Men bring their underage girlfriends to abortion clinics.
  • Sex traffickers bring women to abortion clinics.

That’s not equity. That’s bondage.

If we want abortion to be unthinkable, then we need to be talking to men, influencing men, to do better. I’m a mother of two boys. I’m starting at home.

Hollywood

Here’s another irony in what Alyssa has to say. At the time of her abortions, Alyssa was on the “women-empowering” show Charmed. She was one of three female stars of the TV series, which was created by a woman.

If Hollywood executives had written her out of the series for being pregnant, wouldn’t we have screamed women’s oppression? and inequality in the workplace?

Alyssa’s boyfriend/fiance—whom she did not call out, but I will: Scott Wolf—certainly had the money to support their child. She had enough money to raise their child or to put their baby up for adoption. So what was the concern?

The concern is that Alyssa’s career would’ve been ruined.

Don’t be surprised by this. Hollywood was paying for / providing abortions to actresses long before Roe v Wade.

Further, Lisa Whelchel, a Christian, who was on the TV show “The Facts of Life” (1979-88) talked about how she was given a scale and expected to weigh in every day. Skinniness is not just expected but demanded in Hollywood. Pregnancy messes that up.

In contrast, Gal Gadot, who played “Wonder Woman” in the recent DC Extended Universe movie, filmed several scenes while pregnant. Note that she had a female director.

But I wonder if Alyssa has ever talked to Taraji P Henson, who didn’t let her toddler or her status as a single mother stop her from becoming a multiple award winning actress.

“What if I believed those people who told me when I became pregnant in college that I wouldn’t finish? I walked across that stage with my son on my hip.” ~Taraji P. Henson, “Empire” and “Hidden Figures”

1% not 99%

I hear Alyssa upset that both of her unwanted pregnancies were from the 1% ineffectiveness of the pill.

This makes me wonder if Alyssa ever took math. I wonder if so many people in the pro-choice movement took math. I wonder how I was so blind when I was pro-choice.

The thinking is that we did everything to prevent pregnancy, so why are we pregnant? But we didn’t do everything to prevent pregnancy because if we had, we wouldn’t be pregnant. What? What’s that? It’s called abstinence.

Women and men, don’t be surprised if you’re having sex and get pregnant. It’s called biology.

Patriarchy & the Church

Did you notice that Alyssa looks at the Catholic church, and therefore the Pope, as male oppression? The same could be said of Protestant churches that do not allow female pastors. This is certainly how I felt.

Again, I find this ironic, because if Christians were actually not having sex outside of marriage, then Alyssa wouldn’t think that what Pope Paul VI said in Humanae Vitae (1968) or what Pope John Paul II said in Theology of the Body (1979-1984) favored men rather than women.

And no, I’m not Catholic.

When the Holy Spirit first tapped on my shoulder (on my first Uganda mission trip) about speaking boldly about abortion, I had just said to two male pastors, “Women don’t want to hear this message from men. You don’t understand. There’s no way you can understand. Women need to hear from women.”

So, we women need to speak up. And when we do, we need to be clear that we have not been convinced by “male oppressors” but instead by scientific research.

And men, you need to talk to men because their influence is much larger than the pro-choice movement is willing to admit. Teach men to be men, to step up, to provide, to be responsible, to father well.

Sex is the responsibility of both men and women.

  • Both have a choice.
  • Both are smart enough to realize that even 1% ineffectiveness can result in pregnancy.
  • Both have a responsibility to provide for the child they helped to create.

Me Too, Alyssa. Sorry, Not Sorry.

Alyssa ended her podcast saying, “I, for one, will never stop using my voice. Sorry, not sorry.”

Yeah, me too, Alyssa—not that I have your pretty face, your slim figure, or your Hollywood credentials, for I am just a woman who listens to both sides, discusses rather than rants, reasons with others out of love rather than self-justification, and who votes her values.

I vote for abundant life not just for babies, but for women.

My body. My choice. It’s my body, and with it I will worship the Lord.

MybodyMyworshipBROWN

In Christ,

Cheryl

P.S. The video at the top of the FOX news article is from May 2019 and is demeaning—please don’t applaud FOX or Tucker Carlson for that awful interview with Mark Steyn. We don’t win this battle by belittling but through love.

Abortion Hurts Women Spiritually

Dear Christian Sisters and Brothers,

This headline makes me so angry! No wonder so many women in The Church abort—they are not hearing the truth!

36% of women who abort go to church at least once per month (Care-Net 2016).

Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of Christ. (Romans 10:17 NASB)

So Jesus said to the Jews who had believed him, “If you abide in my word, you are truly my disciples, and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” (John 8:31-32 ESV)

As a post-abortive woman myself, let me explain what abortion does to women spiritually.

I have yet to hear the following message in any Sanctity of Life sermon, but every woman and man needs to hear it.

God is Holy, and He Hates Sin

God has set standards for how we are to live, not because He wants to control us or take away our fun but because He loves us as a perfect Father does.

Now, we do not have perfect fathers here on earth, and many of you have broken relationships with your imperfect fathers. I realize that our broken view of fatherhood makes it difficult to see God as a loving Father, but perhaps you can imagine with me.

Anyone remember the TV show Leave It to Beaver? Remember how the father worked hard, provided for his family, and loved his wife and his boys?

How about the father in the Brady Bunch?

My Three Sons?

How about Liam Neeson’s character in the “Taken” series of movies? Clearly he’s imperfect but fiercely protective of his virgin daughter.

God, as Our Father, Creates Standards for Us Because He Loves Us

God is love. (1 John 4:8)

From the Old Testament to the New, God removed the food standards (all the standards for eating kosher foods), but He did not remove the moral standards. We can read these moral standards in the 10 Commandments and other places.

Jesus reiterated the 10 Commandments by telling His Jewish audience to love God and love people.

When our parents create boundaries for us—or standards—we know that if we do not follow their rules, we will experience consequences, such as a time-out when we’re little or losing privileges when we’re teenagers.

God, our loving Father, taught parents to create standards because that’s what He does. We are to reflect His fatherhood. We are imperfect people and therefore imperfect parents (just ask my boys), so we do not reflect God perfectly, but we are called to try.

God’s standards include keeping sex within marriage and not murdering. (Before you get mad at me, remember that I have not kept either of these standards.)

If you need a reminder of the Bible verses that show these standards, see the links below to my other websites:

Best Pro-Life Bible Verses

Bible Verses on Sexual Immorality

So, what happens when we break God’s standards? I think the best example is to look at King David’s life.

David and Bathsheba

David’s whole story shows us a man of great faith (God calls Him a man after His own heart [Acts 13:22]) but also a man of a great imperfections.

Let’s look at what happens to David when he does not keep sex within marriage and then murders to cover his sin.

You are probably familiar with David and Bathsheba’s story, but let me give you a quick reminder. The short version is that David used his kingly power to have sex with another man’s wife and then killed the man to cover up his sin (see 2 Samuel 11).

Today in the United States, you might expect a rich man to offer his mistress money for an abortion or even pressure her into having an abortion. But that’s not what David does.

Why not? Because the Hebrews valued babies.

Until Nathan confronts David, the king thinks he has gotten away with his sin of extra-marital sex and of murder.

After Nathan explains things, David immediately takes responsibility and confesses his sin (see 2 Samuel 12).

The Spiritual Consequences of Murder and Adultery

David then goes into the Tent of Meeting and sings his confession, as recorded in Psalm 51. He also sings Psalm 32. From these two Psalms, we learn what happens when we murder and commit adultery:

  • When we keep silent about our sin, our bodies waste away. (Ps 32:3)
  • The Lord’s hand is heavy upon us. (Ps 32:4)
  • Our vitality is drained away. (Ps 32:4)
  • We yearn to hear joy and gladness again. (Ps 51:8)
  • We can’t wait for our broken bones to rejoice. (Ps 51:8)
  • We want to feel the Holy Spirit within us. (Ps 51:11)
  • We want to be renewed with a steadfast spirit. (Ps 51:10)
  • We want to be restored with the joy of salvation. (Ps 51:12)

Why do we desire the Holy Spirit? Because when we have more of the Holy Spirit, we have more fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Gal 5:22-23).

In my memoir, ReTested, I explain my 14 or so years between my abortion and my confession as walking through life dead inside. I called myself “the walking dead” before there was a TV show by that name!

Pastoral Leadership

So, Methodist, Baptist, Lutheran, Presbyterian, and United Church of Christ pastors in Tennessee, when you tell women that it’s okay to abort, you are telling them that it’s okay to live separated from God, that God doesn’t mind that they murdered, that it’s okay to walk around like zombies.

The truth is that Jesus came to set us free (Galatians 5:1) and so that we can have abundant life (John 10:10). Abortion does not result in abundant life. It results in drained vitality (Psalm 32:4; John 10:10).

Your letter to Tennessee Gov. Bill Lee is not the kind of leadership we women deserve. We deserve to be:

  • taught the truth (John 8:31-32; Acts 17:10-11).
  • gently rebuked like Nathan gently rebuked David (2 Samuel 12) and Jesus gently rebuked the woman at the well (John 4:4-42) and the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11).
  • taught the path to renewed vitality (Matthew 6:12-15) so that we can live abundantly (John 10:10).

Further, for those women who do not believe that Jesus is the Christ who died for our sins (Romans 5:8), was raised from the dead (Romans 10:9-10), and today sits at the right hand of God, you are telling them that it’s okay to be forever separated from their babies and spend eternity separated from God.

And just to appeal to the practical nature of running your local church, if you want women to serve in the church, get them freed from their sins.

Freedom Is Available, and It’s Awesome!

If you have been involved in an abortion—whether you had one yourself or “supported” a woman through one—you can have your vitality renewed, like I did.

The path to renewed vitality is confession (Matthew 6:12, 14-15) and returning to God (John 8:11).

We protestants do not spend enough time talking about the benefits of confession. Let me just tell you from my own experience that confession and forgiveness results in freedom and abundant life!

And freedom is awesome!

Post-Abortion Healing Is Available!

Post-abortion healing classes are offered through pregnancy centers and some churches using curricula like Surrendering the Secret and Forgiven and Set Free. The Catholic Church offers Project Rachel.

Men who have pressured a woman, drove her to the clinic, or paid for the abortion need healing, too. Some pregnancy centers offer classes for them as well. A common curriculum is Healing a Father’s Heart.

The links to books above are affiliate links. Any remuneration that I receive from affiliate links are used to pay for my three websites: CherylKrichbaum.blog, MybodyMyworship.org, and FacesofAbortion.com. Please contact me if you have any questions.

In Christ,

Cheryl

Worshiping in All Circumstances

Dear Christian Sisters and Brothers,

Today is the funeral of a dear friend, so I have to take my own advice and worship God even though I’m crying.

May you, too, find more of the Holy Spirit through seeking God during your life tests.

moreSpirit_square

In Christ,

Cheryl

Book Release & How to Talk to the Abortion-Minded

Dear Christian Sisters and Brothers,

Last night was an amazing experience of support and love as I released my first book, which happens to be my memoir, titled ReTested.

You can learn about the book and get practical suggestions for how to talk to the abortion-minded by watching the video from Facebook Live. Please post your comments and questions below.

In Christ,

Cheryl

Get More Holy Spirit This Holy Week

Dear Christian Sisters and Brothers,

Get more Holy Spirit this Holy Week! In ReTested, I talk about how I received more of the Holy Spirit through Bible study, prayer, and especially worship. With more of the Holy Spirit, I also had more fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

peace_dquare

In Christ,

Cheryl

Reset this Holy Week

Dear Christian Sisters and Brothers,

Holy Week is a great time to reset with prayer and Bible study. If you’re looking for something different, ReTested offers over 100 Bible verses, countless prayers, and worship music, too.

waking_square

In Christ,

Cheryl

 

Be Part of the Movement

Dear Christian Sisters and Brothers,

Be part of the movement to talk directly to women’s fears with love. Order your copy of ReTested and join me tonight 7-8:15 EDT for “How to Talk to the Abortion-Minded.”

Woman feeling free in a beautiful natural setting.

In Christ,

Cheryl