3 Things about Sex that Nobody Talks About

Dear Christian Sisters,

It’s Valentine’s Day, and here in the USA we not only commercialize everything but we also get our belief systems from TV, movies, and the media.

As a result, many of us have a concept of love that is not biblical. For example, we say “making love” when we mean “having sex.”

We know from 1 Corinthians 13 what love is and is not. Sex is not mentioned at all.

So, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to share with you a bible teaching on sex.

My friend Katharine Wang, Founder of Master the Bible Ministries, has a wonderful teaching on sex and graciously wrote a guest blog for all of you. I pray that Katharine’s teaching blesses your understanding of how God sees sex.

Lord, open our minds to understanding the scriptures (Luke 24:45)—in Jesus’ name, Amen!

3 Things about Sex that Nobody Talks About

by Katharine Wang, Founder of Master the Bible Ministries

Sex is everywhere you turn in our culture. There’s no easy way—well, really no way—to avoid sexual temptation. It’s calling to us on every corner.

So what do you do when you start getting pressure to have sex before marriage or to look at or listen to sexually explicit stuff?

Before doing something you can never take back, there are three things you should know about sex that nobody talks about.

But first, we need a little sex education from the One who designed sex.

Sex & Our Bodies, Souls, and Spirits

Sex impacts three parts of us—our bodies, our souls (our emotions and mind), and our spirits.

God designed sex to create a physical, emotional, and spiritual connection for us. Anytime we engage in sex—or even think about it or look at something that arouses those desires within us, those three areas are triggered.

When we engage in sex as God designed it—in marriage to one person of the other gender—it gives life to our bodies, souls, and spirits.

Marital Sex & Good Health

Sex in marriage actually makes us healthier. It decreases stress levels, which makes us less likely to get sick. It creates an emotional bond with our spouse.

But more than that, it actually expands the capacity we have within us to have deeper emotional connections with anyone.

And it gives us a spiritual connection—not just to our spouse but to God and to others, too. It deepens our capacity to relate to people spiritually.

Extra-Marital Sex & Sickness

But what happens when we engage in sex-related things not how God designed us to do it? Sex still impacts our bodies, souls, and spirits.

Instead of making us healthier, sex outside God’s design opens us up to illness. Any sin will open our bodies to getting sick.

Numerous medical studies have documented the connection between illness and things like stress, anger, and even unforgiveness.

When it comes to sexual sin, doctors have an entire category of illnesses caused by these temptations.

Maybe you had heard that one. But here are three more things about sex that nobody talks about.

1. When Sex Can Make You Stupid and Feel Alone

First, giving in to sexual temptation numbs our conscious faster and in a more deadly way than a lot of other things.

You’re no longer as sensitive as you were before to the difference between truth and error, good and bad. That causes you to make more blunders, bad choices, and poor judgments in life.

2. When Sex Can Make It Harder to Relate Normally

Second, certain sexual sins will block your ability to relate normally to people of the other gender. It becomes hard to see them as anything but an object of your pleasure. That robs you of deep relationships that God designed your soul to have.

It’s harder to make deep connections with people. You may feel empty, lonely, disconnected—almost like the walking dead.  Relationships can become more shallow and more focused on what people can do for you rather than being focused on deep and satisfying mutuality.

You may find yourself less and less fulfilled with your relationships because you’re losing the capacity for satisfaction through relationships.

3. When Sex Can Make It Harder to Form Spiritual Connections

Third, giving into sexual temptation shrinks your capacity for deep spiritual connection with others and with God. It becomes harder to perceive what God is communicating to you. You may feel disconnected to God or like he’s being silent or hard to find.

And you may find it harder to have deep, satisfying spiritual connections with other people.

God’s Purposeful Design

Sex was designed by God to expand and bring life to our bodies, souls, and spirits. When we engage in sex as intended, we see our health and capacity for deep connections grow in all those areas.

But when we give in to sexual temptation, we will be impacted in all three areas of our being.

Maybe you’re experiencing some of the negative things that can happen when we give into sexual temptation. God will completely heal, forgive, and restore when you reach out to him.

But why be the one that needs healing? Use sex to help you—in your marriage with your spouse—not to bring you down.

I pray that Katharine’s teaching helps you understand God’s design for sex. You can find more great biblical teachings by Katharine Wang at the Master the Bible Ministries website.

In Christ,

Cheryl

Lies about Sex vs the Bible: #1—Everyone Else Does It!

Dear Christian Sisters,

We cannot talk about abortion without talking about sex–the very thing that results in crisis pregnancies.

If we were to follow what the Bible says about sex, we would have far fewer women and men considering abortion because we would have far fewer crisis pregnancies.

NOTE: Please remember that I am not writing from my pedestal. I, too, have had premarital sex, which you already know if you’ve read my story (see Faces of Abortion and Forgiveness & Peace that Passes All Understanding).

Keep reading this series to find out how I dealt with my sin and why it’s important for you to deal with yours, too, even if you never got pregnant or never had an abortion.

What the Bible Says about Sex

Do we know what the Bible says about sex? Do we know what the New Testament says?

Most of us had sex before we got married. It’s what we do here in the United States whether we’re Christian or not. It’s the culture. We live in a sex culture.

New Christians under the rule of Rome also lived in a sex culture. Sex was often part of the Gentiles’ worship of gods.

They didn’t slither into a brothel like people do today (of course, it’s unlawful here). They openly went to the temple to worship their gods by having sex with temple prostitutes.

When Gentiles began believing that Jesus was their Savior, some Jewish Christians said that the Gentile Christians had to be circumcised and follow all the Jewish laws.

This was a big debate! Paul and Barnabas brought this debate to the Apostles, including Peter, and the elders. You can read the drama in Acts 15.

James, the half brother of Jesus, gave a speech that convinced those who had gathered for the debate that Gentile believers should not feel burdened (Acts 15:13-20).

They then sent a letter to the Gentile believers letting them know that they did not need to follow Jewish Law–except to:

“abstain from things sacrificed to idols and from blood and from things strangled and from fornication” (Acts 15:29).

Fornication? What is Fornication?

The sexual acts that are included in fornication are the forbidden sexual acts listed in Jewish Law (mostly Leviticus):

  • adultery
  • homosexuality
  • lesbianism
  • intercourse with animals
  • sexual intercourse with close relatives
  • sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman

For a complete list of Old Testament laws about sex, go to the Gospel Outreach page and scroll down to #330.

In the list of Old Testament Laws about sex, did you notice that God didn’t just say, “Men, only have sex with your one wife” and “Women, only have sex with your one husband”?

We people are so hard-headed that He had to give specifics, like “don’t have sex with your sister or half-sister.”

This is a good reminder of our sinful nature. It’s also a reminder that we need to teach each other the specifics of what fornication includes.

In the World, Not of the World

We may live in the world that embraces the sex culture, but we are called by God to not live like the world. (Ephesians 4:22-24; John 15:19, 17:14-16; Romans 12:2)

Finally then, brethren, we request and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us instruction as to how you ought to walk and please God (just as you actually do walk), that you excel still more. For you know what commandments we gave you by the authority of the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality*; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God.
1 Thessalonians 4:1-5

[*Sexual immorality in 1 Thessalonians 4:3 is translated from the Greek porneia. Porneia is translated to immorality, sexual immorality, unchastity, and fornication in the New American Standard Bible (NASB).]

Teach Them the Way They Should Go

Let us also remember as mothers, aunts, and leaders that we are called to teach our children.

Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6

You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.
Deuteronomy 6:7

Let us consider how to inspire one another to love and good deeds, encouraging one another (Hebrews 10:24-25).

In Christ,

Cheryl

Part 6: Abortion & Revival

Dear Christian Sisters,

When pastors and prayer leaders talk about revival, they usually quote 2 Chronicles 7:14:

“and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land.”
2 Chronicles 7:14 NASB

Have you ever noticed that this verse is an if/then statement?

If God’s people:

  • humble themselves
  • seek His face (not just His hand)
  • turn from their wicked ways

Then God will:

  • hear from heaven
  • forgive their sin
  • heal their land

If we want revival, then we need to pray about abortion in humbleness while seeking His face and turning from our wicked ways.

You may be saying, “Turning from our wicked ways? But I haven’t had an abortion!”

Perhaps not. But I ask you this: Have you done the very thing that causes most of the unwanted pregnancies?

That is, have you had premarital sex?

Premarital Sex & the Church

I do not know what the statistics are, but given how pervasive premarital sex is in our culture, I would guess that the number is large. How is it that we cast judgment on women for being pregnant out of wedlock when we ourselves have had premarital sex?

We cannot go before the throne of God and plead with Him to save unwanted babies if we have not repented for our premarital or extramarital sex ourselves.

Some of you may wonder if it was okay to have sex with a man and then marry him. No! It was not okay for me to have premarital sex with either of my husbands. Hebrews 13:4 says:

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

“Fornicators” is translated from “pornos,” the root of our word “pornography.” “Pornos” includes male/gay prostitution and sex between two people not married to each other.

“Adulterers” is translated from “moichos” and means exactly what you think it means: unfaithfulness to your spouse.

If you are one of the few who have not had premarital or extramarital sex, then pray in mourning for our country and the world anyway because we have a culture of sex. Most of us are complicit in the culture of sex by watching movies and TV shows, buying magazines, and looking at things on the Internet/social media.

Safe Sex

If you think it was okay for you to have premarital sex because you had safe sex, that is, because you used birth control, let me tell you: I used to say that. The truth is, women get pregnant on birth control.

Do you know who Abby Johnson is of the ministry called And Then There Were None? She is a former director of a Planned Parenthood clinic who turned pro-life. She says that most of the women who came into her clinic got pregnant on birth control.

Some people think that if you take the pill 100% correctly, then you won’t get pregnant. Others say that you can still pregnant.

The issue is not whether you had “safe sex.”
The issue is whether we were obedient to Christ.

The Bible does not say, “It’s okay to have sex out of wedlock if you use birth control.”

The Bible does say “the two shall become one” and “the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her” (go read it at 1 Corinthians 6:16).

Jesus said, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments” (John 14:15).

The point is not whether we should use birth control. The point is that God calls us to purity.

There is nothing in the New Testament that releases you from the Old Testament laws about sex.

Pray As If We’re All in This Together

Nehemiah and Daniel both prayed in confession of the people’s sin—not in self-righteousness but in an attitude of “we’re all in this together.”

Let Your ear now be attentive and Your eyes open to hear the prayer of Your servant which I am praying before You now, day and night, on behalf of the sons of Israel Your servants, confessing the sins of the sons of Israel which we have sinned against You; I and my father’s house have sinned.
Nehemiah 1:6 NASB

Righteousness belongs to You, O Lord, but to us open shame, as it is this day—to… those who are nearby and those who are far away in all the countries to which You have driven them, because of their unfaithful deeds which they have committed against You.
Daniel 9:7 NASB

Daniel 9:(3)4-19 makes a great prayer for our nation! Consider praying this as if you wrote it:

Alas, O Lord, the great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant and lovingkindness for those who love Him and keep His commandments, we have sinned, committed iniquity, acted wickedly and rebelled, even turning aside from Your commandments and ordinances. Moreover, we have not listened to Your servants the prophets, who spoke in Your name to our kings, our princes, our fathers and all the people of the land.

Righteousness belongs to You, O Lord, but to us open shame… Open shame belongs to us, O Lord, to our kings, our princes and our fathers, because we have sinned against You. To the Lord our God belong compassion and forgiveness, for we have rebelled against Him; nor have we obeyed the voice of the LORD our God, to walk in His teachings which He set before us through His servants the prophets.

Indeed all Israel has transgressed Your law and turned aside, not obeying Your voice; so the curse has been poured out on us, along with the oath which is written in the law of Moses the servant of God, for we have sinned against Him. Thus He has confirmed His words which He had spoken against us and against our rulers who ruled us, to bring on us great calamity; for under the whole heaven there has not been done anything like what was done to Jerusalem.

As it is written in the law of Moses, all this calamity has come on us; yet we have not sought the favor of the LORD our God by turning from our iniquity and giving attention to Your truth. Therefore the LORD has kept the calamity in store and brought it on us; for the LORD our God is righteous with respect to all His deeds which He has done, but we have not obeyed His voice.

And now, O Lord our God, who… have made a name for Yourself, as it is this day-we have sinned, we have been wicked.

O Lord, in accordance with all Your righteous acts, let now Your anger and Your wrath turn away from (our land). So now, our God, listen to the prayer of Your servant and to his supplications, and for Your sake, O Lord, let Your face shine on Your desolate sanctuary. O my God, incline Your ear and hear! Open Your eyes and see our desolations…

For we are not presenting our supplications before You on account of any merits of our own, but on account of Your great compassion. O Lord, hear! O Lord, forgive! O Lord, listen and take action! For Your own sake, O my God, do not delay, because… Your people are called by Your name.

In Christ,

Cheryl

Abortion & _______ Series:

Abortion & the Great Commission | Abortion & the Church | Abortion & Our Words | Abortion & Politics | Abortion & the BibleAbortion & Revival

 

+20: What Does Our Future Have to Do with Our Obedience?

Why think ahead 20 years? Because the Lord has a plan and a purpose for every person’s life. Everyone’s. His plans are good, and they further His kingdom.

When I was in Uganda last December teaching the Bible to children, the Lord impressed on me that He envisions a different Uganda in 20 years and that those children were the ones who would make Uganda different and better.

I want to see that Uganda! I intend to be back in 20 years to take pictures–because I want the before and after photos!

You see, in Uganda, the average age is about 14. For comparison, the average age in the United States is about 38.

There are more children in Uganda than there are adults. Why? Because war and AIDS have killed a generation.

As a result,

  • there are about 85 students to 1 teacher in the classrooms.
  • Many, many grandmothers are raising their children's children.
  • Children are in orphanages.
  • Children are raising themselves while their parents are off working.

I want to see this different Uganda that the Lord envisions. I want to see what is now the slum of Katwe as a prosperous, beautiful place that makes the Lord smile both day and night.

So when I went to Uganda a few weeks ago to talk about purity, that is, abstinence before marriage, I started by asking the teens what they would be doing in 20 years. I told them to take their age and add 20. How old will you be? What will your life look like?

+20 What Will Life Be Like for You in 20 Years?

Why think ahead 20 years? Because the Lord has a plan and a purpose for every person's life.
Everyone's.
His plans are good, and they further His kingdom.

Question is: Will we seek His plan? Will we obey Him?

“For I know the plans that I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV84

In the United States, we like to claim Jeremiah 29:11 as our very own prosperity gospel. As several bloggers have been writing recently, we are flawed in our thinking.

If you read the verse before ("When 70 years have been completed…"), then you know that God is telling His people that His plans are for the nation as a whole and that the next generation is who will see welfare.

Remember that Judah, the southern kingdom of Israel, was in exile at this time (do you ever feel like you are in exile?), and the nation was in exile because of its disobedience to God (Jeremiah 25:4-5, 8-9).

Disobedience. Remember that. We'll return to the topic of obedience shortly.

If you read verses 12 and 13, then you know why God wants to provide prosperity, future, and hope:

“Then you (My people) will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29:12-13 NIV84

There's always a God-glorifying reason why He wants you to do what He wants you to do. God wants you to seek Him. He wants you to find Him.

And if you're going to choose to stay in exile, then He wants your children. He wants your children to seek Him. He wants your children to find Him.

Remember–He is the great teacher:

  • The Father teaches (Isaiah 48:17)
  • The Son teaches (do you really need a citation here?)
  • The Holy Spirit teaches (John 14:26).

When you find Him, you can learn the way you should go, His straight path for you.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 NASB

In both the United States and Uganda, we have forgotten that "in all your ways acknowledge Him" and "seek Him" and "search for Him with all your heart" means obeying Him.

I mean, really–Why is it that we expect God to prosper us when we don't obey Him?

Obeying Him

Purity. Obedience.

Seems to me that when it comes to purity, to abstinence before marriage, and to adultery, we have followed the world's ways, not God's.

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God.
1 Corinthians 3:19a NASB

So, what does God say?

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled.
Hebrews 13:4 NASB

What does that mean?

It means PURE.
It means abstinence before marriage.
It means that the only person you should EVER have sex with is your husband or your wife. If you're not married, then you don't have a husband or a wife and therefore no sex.

As I told my teen just the other day, premarital sex is adultery. By having premarital sex, he would be cheating on his future wife.

The body is not for immorality but for the Lord and the Lord is for the body.
(Emphasis mine) 1 Corinthians 6:13b NASB

If you are married, then you have exactly ONE husband or ONE wife (Genesis 2:24)–and you will ONLY have sex with him or her (Exodus 20:14).

God does not want the pain of premarital or extramarital sex for you.
God does not want the pain of pregnancy outside of marriage for you.
God does not want the pain of abortion for you.

God wants you to trust Him with all your heart.
God wants you to seek Him with all your heart.
God wants you to acknowledge Him in all your ways.

God wants to make your path straight.
God wants to teach you to profit.
God wants to lead you in the way you should go.

Too Late–I've Already Disobeyed

Too late, you say? You've already had sex outside of marriage?

Me, too.

Don't be fooled into thinking that just because I am blogging and following the Lord now means that I have always followed the Lord. You're not that naive.

I am a GenX-er who has done what most others in our society have done. I am in my second marriage (and my last, just in case you were wondering!). I did have premarital sex. I am not perfect.

I will not preach from a "holier than thou" pedestal. I want you to have life better than me. I want you to learn from my mistakes. I want my children to have life better than me. I want my children to learn from my mistakes.

Let's work together to stop generational sins!

It's not too late. It's never too late to turn back to God.

It's Never Too Late to Turn Back to God

We can change the course of our lives, and we can teach our children so that they do not repeat our sins.

+20. What will your life be like in 20 years? What will your children's lives be like in 20 years?

The Lord has changed the course of my life, and I am teaching my children purity so that they do not repeat my sins. God's promises are not just for me and my children. They are for all of His church.

If you are having sex outside of marriage right now, stop. Do not continue in sin.

How shall we who died to sin still live in it?
Romans 6:2b NASB

For if we go on sinning willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins.
Hebrews 10:26 NASB

For this is the will of God, that you be sanctified [separated and set apart from sin]: that you abstain and back away from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor [being available for God’s purpose and separated from things profane], not [to be used] in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God and are ignorant of His will; and that [in this matter of sexual misconduct] no man shall transgress and defraud his brother because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we have told you before and solemnly warned you.

For God has not called us to impurity, but to holiness [to be dedicated, and set apart by behavior that pleases Him, whether in public or in private]. So whoever rejects and disregards this is not [merely] rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you [to dwell in you and empower you to overcome temptation].
1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 AMP

God has a lot to say about sex. These are just a few verses.

But as we Christians know, we need only go to the throne of God in confession, true repentance, in order to be forgiven.

Therefore let it be known to you, brethren (that is, fellow Christians), that through Him forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.
Acts 13:38 NASB

He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.
Proverbs 28:13 NASB

I have confessed my sins before the Lord. I have confessed my sins before my husband. I have confessed my sins before my children.

And I am free from guilt!

Let the wicked (that's me!) forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the Lord, and He will have mercy on him, and to our God, for He will freely pardon.
Isaiah 55:7 NIV84

Therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.
Acts 3:19 NASB

It was for freedom that Christ set us free;

therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery (to sin, sexual or otherwise).
Galatians 5:1 NASB

The Lord is calling you and your children to walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into His own kingdom and glory. (See 1 Thessalonians 2:12 NASB)

When we trust in the Lord with all our hearts
When we do not lean on our own understandings of the world
When we acknowledge Him in all our ways
He will make our paths straight.